Communication and Problem Solving

When somebody freaks out at you how do you normally respond? You might  get defensive and argue back that does not solve anything. The only way you will come to an agreement is if you talk through it. One way you can talk through an argument is by saying these words “When you__________ I feel_________, Because____________. I would like___________. For example, if your boyfriend had to correct you on everything that you were saying to your sister you could have a private conversation and say. When you always correct me I feel really stupid, because you are always correcting me if I get one small fact wrong. I would really like if you could stop correcting me all the time. It may be hard to do this but if you do this you will see a change in your relationship. Effective communication is key. Growing up I would mumble all the time and my brother would raise his voice, so I could hear him and say “what? I can’t hear you!” But, by the tone of his voice I thought he was mad at me so then I would just say “never mind” Years later I finally told him that I though he was made at me when really, he wasn’t It was just his way of telling me he couldn’t hear what I was saying. HE then stopped talking so loudly when he couldn’t hear what I was saying. Talking things out always makes everything better but when you decide to not talk about things it will never get better. I think one of the problems now a days is that we text so much and when somebody texts us we cannot tell if they are mad at us or not. For example, when somebody just says “okay.” with a period right after it I think they are mad or when somebody Just says “K” I also think they might be mad at me. When really, they aren’t. It can cause another augment if you don’t talk about it. You can simply ask them later if they were mad and if they were asking them why. People need to be communicating. Now a day’s people don’t communicate. While walking to class I see so many people walking around with their ear buds in not talking to anyone just ln their own little world listening to their music and it just kind of sad to see. Small talk is not as big of a thing anymore everyone just goes to what they are comfortable with being on their phone instead of talking to somebody.   

            When some buddy says something that you get so annoyed with, and you just want to storm out of the room use the disarming technique. The disarming technique is when you find one thing they said to be true. It is hard to do but it is very possible. Then have some empathy. Ask more about it talk about it. Then do the I feel statement, then expresses genuine appreciation. Doing this will fix the problems that you are having.   

            Another thing we learned in class that was something thought was kind of interesting was people are needy if you don’t have needs there is something wrong with you, everyone has needs. But nobody wants to come across as needy, everybody thinks that needy people are annoying. I have never really thought of it that way.

            

coping with hard situations

How do you and your family deal with coping? Do you guys communicate, or do you not talk about the problems? Everybody copes with things differently some people might shut down some might get angary and explode. I know for me when I get really mad at someone I tend to shut down and not really want to talk to them for a little bit. But both of those response are not really good to have when coming across difficult circumstances. The best, but the hardest way to act is to act calmly and not push it to the side. We have to remember to talk about things. Communication is always key to successful relationships. When we don’t talk about things, that is when problems start to pile up and more damage can and will happen. For example, if I got mad at my sister for being fifteen minutes late to the bus stop and that she made me wait in the blazing hot sun. I could act out and yell or I could be mad and shut down. If I would have stayed cool calm and collected, then I could have found out that her dog she had for ten years just passed away. If I would have yelled at her I would have felt bad and if I would have shut down and ignored her I also would have felt bad that I was not there to listen to her. We may not get to choose our circumstances, but we do get to choose our thoughts. There might be the same people in an event, but they might take away a different experience from that event. Let’s say your girlfriend started to work more hours so she could afford the Christmas gift you really want. But in your head, you are thinking what did I do to make her be so distant from me? When really, she is just trying to make you happy and you didn’t do anything wrong. It could pull you guys apart. The way you react to things is very important it is something that you should be mindful of, people can read and take t certain things away from what you said. This last winter I was in the hospital freaking out coming up with the worst circumstances in my head, it was freaking me out. I did not get to choose that circumstance, but I did get to choose my thoughts if I would have not jumped to conclusions so fast  and to keep thinking about it I would not have been freaking out so much. We can either choose to be positive in difficult decisions or we can think negatively. When we think about it more it hurts us more and when it hurts us more we take away a more negative point of view on in. Thinking negatively never does anything good. When your hunting dog gets a snout full of porky pine spikes do you start to think that your hunting dog is useless because he might not be able to smell as good. You might start to think that way but you can change the way you think. It’s so important to know that you can control the way you think. Lots of people don’t relies that you can control the ways you think when bad or scary things happen. Coping is more than just getting by its how we react. 

Never Stop Loving

Growing up did your parents ever give you “the talk”? Lots of kids have grown up not getting the sex talk from their parents because it’s too awkward and their parents don’t want to bring it up. Lots of my friends didn’t get “the talk” from their parents. They just learned things from friends and tv shows.  I remember getting the talk and wanting to die inside. It made me feel uncomfortable talking about these things with my parents. But the way they told me was in such a way that it was sacred, and they taught me that it was something to only be done between marriage. I think a great thing to do is to talk about these things more often than just once, talk about these things when your kids are young. Make it age appropriate, then as they get older you can explain more to them. This will help when the time comes that they have questions they won’t feel awkward asking you guys questions. You should want your kids to ask you questions instead of them going to the internet or friends. When they go to those they will learn the wrong things about sex. I think that it is very important that teenagers know that sex is sacred, and you only do it with your spouse. 

I think it is kind of crazy to think that one of the commandments that God gave us was to not commit adultery but adultery happens so much these days. People are having affairs left and right. Something that I have never really thought about was having and emotional affair. An emotional affair is when you go to someone other than your spouse with information that you should be telling your spouse not your good friend. Your spouse should be there for you and you should be there for your spouse. Marriage is not always a piece of pie it is something you two have to work on. You need to talk through your problems together before you go to anyone else. I have seen lack of communication ruin relationships. Instead of talking to each other they would talk to their close friends and it gets really hectic. Communication is key to a relationship.

Another thing that I think is very important is touch. Never ever stop holding hands or kissing. My parents are a very good example of this they hold hands in the car they hold hands walking through the stores, when my dad goes off to work he kisses my mom goodbye. I have seen some couples stop being all lovey dovey once they get married and then their relationship does not go as well as it would if they would let each other know that they love each other. I think it is also really important to eat as much meals together as a family as possible. That is where you catch up on every one’s days. Another thing is to keep going on dates. Even when you have kids, go on dates it. You need to give attention to your spouse. Sometimes it can be hard with a house full of kids, but you need to remember give attention to your spouse. I have seen this in my life.  One of my friend’s mom gave all her attention to her kids so much that her spouse was feeling left out and then he turned to his coworker at work who gave him attention. My friend’s parents ended up getting a divorce. You need to remember the small and simple things good bye kisses and eating meals together.