Communication and Problem Solving

When somebody freaks out at you how do you normally respond? You might  get defensive and argue back that does not solve anything. The only way you will come to an agreement is if you talk through it. One way you can talk through an argument is by saying these words “When you__________ I feel_________, Because____________. I would like___________. For example, if your boyfriend had to correct you on everything that you were saying to your sister you could have a private conversation and say. When you always correct me I feel really stupid, because you are always correcting me if I get one small fact wrong. I would really like if you could stop correcting me all the time. It may be hard to do this but if you do this you will see a change in your relationship. Effective communication is key. Growing up I would mumble all the time and my brother would raise his voice, so I could hear him and say “what? I can’t hear you!” But, by the tone of his voice I thought he was mad at me so then I would just say “never mind” Years later I finally told him that I though he was made at me when really, he wasn’t It was just his way of telling me he couldn’t hear what I was saying. HE then stopped talking so loudly when he couldn’t hear what I was saying. Talking things out always makes everything better but when you decide to not talk about things it will never get better. I think one of the problems now a days is that we text so much and when somebody texts us we cannot tell if they are mad at us or not. For example, when somebody just says “okay.” with a period right after it I think they are mad or when somebody Just says “K” I also think they might be mad at me. When really, they aren’t. It can cause another augment if you don’t talk about it. You can simply ask them later if they were mad and if they were asking them why. People need to be communicating. Now a day’s people don’t communicate. While walking to class I see so many people walking around with their ear buds in not talking to anyone just ln their own little world listening to their music and it just kind of sad to see. Small talk is not as big of a thing anymore everyone just goes to what they are comfortable with being on their phone instead of talking to somebody.   

            When some buddy says something that you get so annoyed with, and you just want to storm out of the room use the disarming technique. The disarming technique is when you find one thing they said to be true. It is hard to do but it is very possible. Then have some empathy. Ask more about it talk about it. Then do the I feel statement, then expresses genuine appreciation. Doing this will fix the problems that you are having.   

            Another thing we learned in class that was something thought was kind of interesting was people are needy if you don’t have needs there is something wrong with you, everyone has needs. But nobody wants to come across as needy, everybody thinks that needy people are annoying. I have never really thought of it that way.